inside the narrow corridor

Two Year Anniversary!

2012-01-04T08:20:00.000-08:00

Well- It has been two years- since my last post. Bad. The fact that it doesn't surprise me is even more "bad."
What have I been up to for these last 730 days? A lot has changed and a lot has not. I have a two year old little boy and a little daughter on the way. I'm overwhelmed by it all as family life as become the focal point. What has not changed is the fact that I still continue my journey with Christ- inside the narrow corridor where my faith meets my reality. I resolve this year- 2012- to become more authentic. I long for my faith to mirror my everyday life more and more, thus becoming more like Christ. The past two years my spiritual growth seemed to be a stagnet as I wallowed in indecision and effectiveness. I had a career change in there as well so that has added to the muddle that I find myself in. I know God is in the whirlwinds- but I need Him to be in the muddle as well.
So- I am also hoping to write more this year. Not sure who is out there reading this but for me- its an outlet. 2012 is going to be a good year....I just need to be ready for it.

Nice addition!

2010-01-05T10:18:00.000-08:00

From the Gospel Coalition website:

Welcome Thabiti Anyabwile!
On behalf of The Gospel Coalition I want to welcome Thabiti Anyabwile and Pure Church to our blog network. Like his colleagues on the network Kevin DeYoung and Ray Ortlund, Thabiti is a pastor on the front-lines of local church ministry. He loves the church and longs for her purity. This is why Thabiti blogs. And this is why we are grateful to have him on our platform.

For those of you just getting to know Thabiti, here are some important points of interest:

Thabiti is prolific. At his blog you will see some of his many writing accomplishments as well as one forthcoming title (Spring 2010).
Thabiti also writes regularly for Church Matters, the blog of 9Marks Ministries.
Thabiti is one of the keynote speakers for the Together for the Gospel 2010 National Conference in April.
Thabiti is a self-professed Calvinist and Pharisee (you’ll have to read his posts here, here, and here).
Thabiti is a Council member with The Gospel Coalition.
More could be said, but one of the best ways to get to know Thabiti and benefit from his ministry is to read his blog on a daily basis. And to make that easier you can subscribe to Pure Church here.

The Gospel Coalition longs for a more pure church. So does Thabiti Anyabwile. And that’s why we’re so glad he’s here. Welcome Thabiti!

difficult scripture

2009-08-10T14:06:00.000-07:00

From a blog I read-

The most difficult ever written

"The books of Israel's prophets are among the most difficult in the Old Testament, and probably among the most difficult books ever written."

Delbert R. Hillers, Covenant: The History of a Biblical Idea, page 124.

God did not give us a comic book. But precisely because the Bible is so challenging, it's satisfying. God treats us like adults.

There's something about our culture that leaves us men feeling deeply trivialized: "My capabilities are video games, pornography and goofing off, I will never change, and I see no reason to change." Then along comes the gospel and tells us that we matter to God. Along comes theological grandeur that lifts our minds into lofty things. Along comes the cause of Christ that gets us working in ways that will still matter a bazillion years from now.

At the center of this revolution is the Bible. It gets us reading and thinking and studying and discussing and going deeper than we've ever gone before, deeper than we've ever dreamed of going.

Thank God for the Bible. Difficult, but not impossible.

the wine press

2009-05-14T07:07:00.000-07:00

God is good.

I'm sure there is a greater biblical meaning to the term 'wine press', but for now, I can feel its' pressure as I seem to be entering it. Maybe my actions, or lack of actions has started the wheels of God's wine press ready to iron out some wrinkles I've been creating. Though uncomfortable I must endure for on the other side lays change.

My wife and I have discovered that our growing baby is a little boy. The joy I felt at that moment was best described as awe. From my perspective, my family has been generations of 'what could have been.' Not that I lost hope...actually I had lost hope but it humbles me to see that God did not and has seen fit for my family name to continue. He sees something in us. Where I am faithless, He is faithful.

What scares me is what lies ahead in terms of the type of man, husband and father I will be to my wife and son. The wine press will surely get to this inner place where a lot of darkness and sinful ways seem to be hiding out. I'm sure the exposure of some of this in the wee hours of the mornings as we are awakened again and again by crying baby are inevitable.

Ideas of ministry and following Christ's direction in our lives is part of the wine press as well. Indifference and apathy have held a place far too long in my heart and in order to iron that out, God must move again and so the wheels of the wine press turn- forcing us out from under or comfortable lives and in to the adventure that is God's Kingdom coming.

The term 'press on' means a bit more today.

God is good.

the open space of a re-orbit

2008-11-20T06:33:00.000-08:00

In Traverse City, MI, there is a place that sits just off the little town that the locals call 'the open space'. No secret to what it is, just open space. The area is a cool hangout and provides a quick get away, if you need it, from the already small town. I love open space in the physical sense. I love the blank canvas, the open air, the breeze, the change of scenery. All of it seems to bring a refreshing that I can't find in the daily background of where I live. Parks also provide a nice get away so you get my point.However, when it comes to open space in the internal areas of my soul, I do not deal with it well.

I've never been one to attack life. My circumstances growing up only taught me to REACT to life and I've been fighting against this ever since.
I long for structure but want to test authority.
If I am free to roam, I long for boundaries.
If I'm told I can't- I want to.
If I'm told I can- I don't want to. And on and on.....and on.

But at this point in my life, I have entered the open space of my soul. I have re orbited to a place that I'm not too familiar with. After being forced to grow up so fast, I have been able to finally catch up to the speed at which my life was going. For the first time I have ground underneath me on which I can walk and there is a stability that I do not really know what to do with. I guess this is what they call becoming an adult. Funny thing is, though we age, it doesn't always mean we can get to this point.

Of course, there is a huge God story in all of this. I tend to be more Calvin in my theology because I KNOW what is IN me and I KNOW that it has been the grace of God and nothing good in me that has brought me to this point. But what does it all mean?

As I think of it, within the open space is God. Within the Red Sea, God was in the open space. In the desert, God was in the open space. God is always leading us, though the path may be too hard to discern. Up to now, I've been carried most of the way, like the man and the footprints story, but I feel like I've been set down. For me, this is a defining moment, where I turn over the fear of being loved by Love itself. The moment where I start following the Great Navigator of the open space and trust Him. I'm not much for hiking but the journey must continue.

The Way normally is through a crooked and narrow path, but I've reached this open space and I still find this part of the journey less traveled.

He knew me from my mothers womb...

2008-10-28T07:15:00.000-07:00

My name is Tony, and the year is 1979
Beginning of me, therefore I could see
Through my belly button window who I am in time..

I existed in a womb, just like an abyss
Created from God’s hand, my hands balled in a fist
Punching on my moms stomach, kicking on her cervix
Twitching cause I'm nervous
Though my intended purpose
Was to be born again, not in scorn or vain
But to glorify His name, and the path chose for me
Bloodstream full of red cells
Developing eyes
looking out my belly button window
My father's face wears a smile
but I'm wondering will my parents stick it out
Cause if not I'll go back to God’s town
So I could rest longer before I come back down
The chute again, in the near future when
My moms and dad can agree on this
Sister here before me it seems all good now
they got a 120 days to do what they want
But as for me coming out this is my only time
So stay together, keep me, and just make up ya mind

They must wanna keep me, cause 4 months past and I'm still alive
Guess I got what you call an ill-will to survive
When I look hard the lights is killing my eyes
I know when moms is laying down cause I get bored and start to get live
Move side to side hear loud music and vibe
this little baby was born with rhythm thats no lie
Solar energize, mineralize food through my mothers tube
I'm covered in this thick layer of goo
Month two was the least most comfortable
My umbilical cord choking me
But month 3 was closer, see
Watching 'em yell, heard my moms voice well
no fist fights, but I was terrified when they yelled
While they sat silent and only looked at the wall
I wondered if I am born will I be safe at all
This place they call the world though my view was so large
Couldn't wait to get up, grow up and take charge
Month 5, Month 6 went by, hoping I'm born in July
But the Lord already figured out a date and time
October 16th, 79
Get ready world, doctors in the front waiting for the time
Arms open cause they know when I drop, the family curse gonna stop
See how Satan will start re-thinking his plot
Month 9, I’m making my move- no labor induced
Dad told my mom to push and take deep breaths too
Said stay calm, holding her arm, I'm trying to hold on
Surgical gloves touching my scalp, my head pops out
Everything blurry, my first breath screams out
Tears pouring down my dads face he's so proud
Wanted to hold me, but I was so bloody
They washed me off and he said " Hey, he isn’t so ugly!"
Placed me in his arms snuggly, laid me on my mother
Finally, I got to see who held me in her body
She loved me….

Inspired by the Nas song "Belly Button Window"

Coffee Theology

2008-09-05T05:12:00.000-07:00

I have been working on a post about my issues with the topic of open theology for the past...say....two weeks. I was in over my head right after I wrote the words open theology and about half way through, I had to stop because one- I had to get back to work and second because there is no way I'm fitting inside an appropriate blog length. So there it sits under "edit posts" like my hallway wall waiting to be painted.

What I realize now is that I started writing that in Starbucks after a nice iced mocha. When the espresso hits me, I am changed. My thoughts become clear and it's as if I have insight and perspective that rival the reformers. Luther, Calvin, Frabott, Wesley. Open theology was there as a sitting duck and I was positioned for the shot.

Now, two weeks later, it is evident that my shot missed. It's sad I know that I need coffee to stimulate my brain and that my natural energy is comparable to solar energy running a car but I'm wondering how many others have coffee theology? Is coffee is the Jesus juice of the church? We serve it in our church and no matter how bad I think it tastes, I love every drop of it.

This was just an observation post with a bit of exaggeration in order time finishing my open theology post ,which I will, but when I'm not drinking coffee you can see what I write about here- http://1stand20.blogspot.com/

Drink up!

"Do not marvel that I said to you, 'You must be born again'.

2008-07-22T07:17:00.001-07:00

Oh Nicodemus, how I can relate.

I marvel at this because it is such a miracle. The rebirth of someone from the inside out is more impressive than anything I can ponder, outside of resurection. Healings and casting out demons only go so far and I'm sure they are cool but to actually change someone in the inner most parts and have them become a new person is untouchable.

Someone close to me once said that they can't buy in to the 'born again' idea. They, like Nicodemus, get caught up in rational thinking. I can't blame them, it sounds crazy. Also, the label of being 'a born again Christian' as opposed to just 'Christian' is a bit wierd even for me.

"That which is born of the flesh is flesh and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit."

Here is the division from the old to the new self. For some, it is quite the contrast and for others, outwardly, not as much. Internally, for both though, it is the difference between night and day. The drastic inner invasion of the Holy Spirit is irrevocable and the regeneration of one's soul is uncontainable. This is the true miracle and can only be done by God Himself. Once God is in you the journey begins.

"Are you the teacher of Israel, and do not know these things?"

I have 2000 years of more information than Nicodemus and I still don't REALLY get it.
I don't get why if being 'born again' such the work of God why I still try to earn His approval.
I don't get why after writing the lines above I still fight the Spirit working in my life.
I don't get why I want to change, yet change is so scary and uncharted.
I'm sure I can go on. I won't for my own sake.

It's the journey of faith. Questions are welcome and santification takes a whole life. It's God's grace that leads us to repentance. It's His righteousness on me and not my own. That's all part of the great miracle.

I marvel today. I marvel at what He has done for us. I don't need to understand it all. Maybe today He just wants me to.....simply marvel.

Things not to say when you are married

2008-06-01T17:51:00.000-07:00

I've been on an unintentional blog fast- I cant seem to muster much of anything lately. In the meantime, this post was inspired by a marriage book- so I added my own

Things not to say when your married.

"How long have you been here?"

"My mom does the same thing."

"You're dressed like you are going to the library."

"Wait... I thought you did the dishes"

"Show me what split ends look like"

"How long did it say to cook this?"

"I've been thinking about something else the whole time"

"I didnt even think to call you."

end times

2008-04-23T12:28:00.000-07:00

Matthew 24:8 "All these are the beginning of sorrows"

....not quite what Jesus was talking about but c'mon.

"Working" in the Spirit

2008-04-09T08:00:00.000-07:00

"sacrifice is beautiful \ it decimates my preservation"- manchild

Recently, I've been gaining back some ground in my battle with my image management.

I remember sitting in a large church service years ago and a man went up during an alter call... for healing I think. I clearly, as if it were yesterday, can still hear the preacher yelling that "this man has just been delivered from the opinions of other people!" Wow, I thought, that would be cool. I guess I wasn't in the path of the Spirit that night because I have to experience that.

Not that I deny these experiences of the Holy Spirit...healings, tongues, prophecy etc, but my experience is that God is more concerned with a deeper, inner work in our lives. Sure, God could take away all the struggle at once but Jesus taught that we would have trouble in the world. Jesus talks about taking up our crosses and not being able to love your father and mother more than Him, that is far from instant deliverance. Even in the Old Testament we hear God saying, I will walk with you in the flames and floods of life. Don't get me wrong, if God wills to do an outward miracle, I'm all for it I just can't live seeking a sign. He lives IN me, so He's always at work.

The power of God happens in the soul and inner being of a person. The real miracle happens when someone is "born again" when the spirit is regenerated and the soul becomes "alive"! People begin to change their attitudes and beliefs and their will confirms to God's will and they soon desire what He desires. They have a personal relationship with Jesus and He knows them and they know Him. That’s the power of God, salvation.

Back to my image management, I cannot wait around to be "delivered" from the thoughts of others. I must act! God has given me his Word and I need to fill my mind with Truth from Him. I need to act despite my feelings, its when I do this that God walks with me through those moments when I may not speak up or may be too concerned with others thoughts of me. It takes work to change but the One who changes is inside me, molding and shaping, I need to allow this to happen.
This is the molding and shaping that lasts, it’s harder, but the change is stronger than if one is just "delivered" from something. This applies to all aspects of my life! (God is more concerned about our character then our comfort)

We are called to sacrifice and obedience to Him but those do not come naturally for us.

How then shall we live?.....

The Holy Spirit is at work but it takes work to let Him work.

The Love of the Creator

2008-03-25T06:55:00.000-07:00

"He who does not love does not know God, for God is love"- 1 John 4:8

As the Lenten season and Easter Holiday closed it's chapter for this year, the past 40 days have been the most fruitful that I've had in a long time. The themes that I followed through lent was that God would provide my needs and learning to give up more of myself for His purposes (i.e die to self) I never mastered them by any means but I came across the verse above about God "being love" for God is love and it summed it all up for me. I've heard it before but again....believing it is where the heaven scrapes the pavement.

Though God "as love" is much more than I even know (see I Corinth 13 for more); for now I'm defining the love portion "as a voluntary, unselfish choice to commit to another person or persons despite condition, circumstance, feelings or merit"

We were created in the image and likeness of God- (Gen 1:26) Therefore, we are able to do things that resemble God. We must remember our "likeness" attributes only resemble God's and are not perfect. I have mentioned a few below but we still get it wrong at times. Our shortcomings should only magnify the perfection of these attributes in God

God is creative. Humans are much more than instinctive, we have souls. God breathes into us the 'breath of life'(Gen 2:7) that was not said of the animals. Like our heavenly Father we are creative. As He created the heavens and the earth (Gen 1:1) so we have been given the ability create things from art, music and architecture all the way to software engineering, air transportation, automobiles and even space shuttles. It's in our being to create.

God is just. (1 John 1:9) We all have a longing for justice. We "innately" understand that there is right and wrong in the universe. There is that feeling that those that commit offense of our laws should be punished. A life for a life, an eye for an eye. Those who slip through the justice system are still held guilty in the court of public opinion. This need, to set the wrongs to right, comes from the likeness of God in us.

God is love. John 3:16- talks of God's love for the world and the lengths at which He goes to demonstrate it to us. If God IS love than unlike us, He cannot NOT love. We have the capability to love and not love. As humans, we do this more than we know. We love ourselves more than our neighbor. We ignore parents and neglect children. We ignore the vows of marriage and leave our spouses for others etc...it is easy to see where we can lack love. God though, CANNOT. But, to the best of our ability that we can show our imperfect love to our children and our spouses and our families and how much we want to be involved in their lives, how much more does God, in His PERFECT love want to be involved in ours.

Before creation- God did not exist alone. Had he existed alone, there would have been no such thing as love, for love by definition is selfless. God cannot love himself alone. In the beginning with God, were the Holy Spirit and God's son, Jesus the Christ. (Gen 1:26) ..."let US make man in our image.) The existence of the other two formed a perfect community where God would give and receive from the Spirit and the Spirit from the Son and the Son from God and the Son to God and the Spirit to God...and around and around it went. This love, seemingly unable to be contained, flowed out in to creation.

God's love is not forced, God created us with free will to love Him back or not love Him at all. As all of us have sinned (Romans 3:23), the just part of God requires that these wrongs (sins) are made right before we can enter back in to this this relationship with Him, for "He chastens those He loves" (Heb 12:6). Unable to make these sins right on our own accord, as we were dead in our trespasses (Eph 2:1), God intervened and sent His son Jesus to pay the wages of sin, which is death (Rom 6:23). Those that choose to love God back, are justified by the faith they have in Jesus, for God has chosen to justify people not by actions but by faith.(Gen 15:5-6)
Those that do not choose to love Him back are faced with God's judgement. The question of 'Why would a loving God send people to hell?' is not biblically grounded. I Timothy 2:1-6 states that God our Saviour desires all men to be saved , not punishing sin that has not been taken to the cross of Christ would be against the character of a just God. He has chosen to deal with sin, through Jesus, people with sin left undealt with will be cast into the lake of fire (aka-hell)(Rev 20:15) reserved for the devil and his angels. We don't want to hear that part of the story but though disturbing, it is completely avoidable.

To conclude, God loves us. There is no part in Him that cannot love. But, we like sheep have been led astray, each to our own way... (Isa 53:6). Lets not be so prideful as to think we have done nothing wrong. Let us turn back to God and let us embrace the love of the Creator, the lover of our souls. We were made for this relationship and this is the relationship that completes us to the core.

Lent...in my pocket

2008-02-06T06:48:00.000-08:00

(warning...internal struggle exposed)

Ash Wednesday represents the beginning of the Lenten season-the 40 day period before Easter. The tradition, and I'm highly paraphrasing here, usually goes hand in hand with giving some "thing" up that you love for this 40 day time period in hopes that you will come to some self-realization of how much you are dependent on that one "thing" and hopefully turn to God to fill this need. At least that is how I see it on the surface.

Honestly, it never works for me.

The one thing I love the most, myself, is what I should give up. But I just can't quit me. Don't know how and don't know if I want to. That is the reality.

I've become so self perserving to the point where I've come face to face with what it means to follow Jesus whole heartedly and I'm stuck, unable to fully move forward in discipleship. Why?

"Because birds of the air have nests...and the Son of Man has no place to lay His head"- Jesus
I am obsessed with comforts that this life provides. I want somewhere to lay my head.
I go to any length to stabilize the scales of balance in my life. That is my addiction.

"No one, with hand to the plow, looking back is fit for the Kingdom of God."- Jesus
I can't quite kill my old self. I think one of the hardest things for me is making sense of my past. I want to figure it all out, instead of leaving it behind and pressing forward, I lug it like luggage behind me, unable to let it go.

This year, may be the year. I want to give up myself for lent. I want to give up my need to preserve self and let go of the past that I lug behind me. My prayer is that I can enter in to this discipleship of Jesus with a heart that is open and willing to listen and obey.

So I come with nothing but my baggage in to this Lenten season. I literally have nothing to bring but the lent in my pockets. Paul urges us to be living sacrifices to God, that is scary for me. It's scary to lay on the alter and let God have His way in me. If I can do it for 40 days, maybe God's grace will keep me there the rest of my life....

go in peace...

2008-01-17T08:03:00.000-08:00

Worldly speaking, I would say my head knowledge of the things of God is decent. I am at a point where I can communicate them to others and I can allow my knowledge to shape the way I may view life events. I'm not a scholar by any means but I can talk confidently about Jesus.

It's my heart that suffers though.

What good is having a voice like an angel but not having love? You are but merely sound.
What good is head knowledge if in your heart, you are unable to reach it.

To my folly, I have come to accept the lack of 'experiencing God' as the norm. I have held tight to my head knowledge, not letting my heart drink fully from the streams of living water.

(For example...I've become very weary of outward signs of the spirit, yet I believe in them. Maybe its fear but I'm obsessed with "doing it right". If you speak in tongues, do it right or not at all...etc. Actually 'experiencing God' for me has been a journey back and forth through my head and my heart.)

I don't think it has been on purpose. The world is so busy that it is easy to neglect my soul's cries and rely on what I already know.

After listening to a sermon about the woman who wipes the feet of Jesus with her tears, I was taken back by the words of Christ.

"Your sins are forgiven, go in peace."

I felt the dam in my head break and the living words of Christ flow down into my parched soul carrying this truth to the deepest recesses of my being that only He can reach. This area is the 'God shaped hole' inside us that we all talk about but are not aware of it until God fills it.

I see a need for more of this experience. God wants to meet all of my needs, even emotionally. 'Going in peace' is a feeling. A feeling I've longed for but have not had much experience with. It felt great though and I still carry this with me a few weeks later. The gospel is to be experienced. It brings change and change is an experience. Head knowledge is good but it can't reach fill that hole mentioned earlier.

That is a God thing and God things are to be experienced. I'm looking forward to finding out more about this.

go in peace....

OH-NO!

2008-01-10T13:12:00.000-08:00

Forgive the lack of posts recently. Creativity tank is lacking. Either that or I just have nothing literary to add. I'll take the latter. I'm opting for a sports theme this time....

So Ohio State lost again. The sting of it is less irritating this year though still present. There more it happens, the more you get used to it.

I didn't want to believe all the hype about not being able to compete with the SEC teams but that is the current reality. It's one thing if your team earns the spot to play in the National title game and then loses, but seeing that the Big Ten is not a very good conference, it's easy for us to get to this game, it's just way harder to win. We will probably be right there next year again as we are the class of the Big Ten, but if the Big Ten is not very good, what does that really make us? Thankfully the Big Ten is a BCS conference or else we would never see the championship game after these last two performances. Look, I love the Buckeyes but I also follow college football and it's not too hard to see this fact. In addition, I don't see the conference improving soon, outside of Michigan.
Weak competition all year makes playing good competition a lot harder if you only face it once a year.

LSU played 6 teams in the final top 15 this year, OSU played- 1 and that was LSU. We were not ready for them.

Also, it was not so much the speed of the teams. I watched the game and both teams had fast, strong players. The problem is playing that type of team once a year,with 50 days off doesn't really give us much chance against them. It's not an excuse but playing Akron doesn't train us for 'SEC' talent.

September 13th, 2008. OSU plays at USC. This game is HUGE for the Bucks. IF we win, we can still salvage some respect across the country...if we lose...it is to the pit of mediocreity we go, it may take years to come back from that.

do not lose heart....

2007-12-11T06:27:00.000-08:00

Luke 12:37-38

....and if he should come in the second, or come in the third watch

Christianity can turn into a fad. It can become the "in thing", it can become the cool thing to do, especially when we are young. We become so caught up in the moment and love of Jesus and the feelings and the experience of a new fresh life in Christ that we run as fast as we can after "the things of God" and suddenly find ourselves stuck in the middle of reality.
Suddenly, in the real world, faith is no longer as "cool" and no longer the "in thing"- but will we follow Him?

The sacrifices of following Jesus begin to interfere with our social lives and suddenly do not mesh with our co-workers plans to go out that night- will we follow Him?

The relational sacrifices of purity that have been made to honor God have not produced a wife or husband or even a date for that matter- will we follow him?

The wedding is over but marriage has not delivered what we thought and the constant fighting or problems with children have chipped away our will to continue in the relationship- will we follow Him?

Our jobs have not exactly helped fulfill our monetary goals and now the financial future looks grim- Will we follow Him?

This parable in Luke 12 describes the master coming back from a wedding hoping to find his servants waiting and watching for him...no matter how late he returns.

I'm seeing many of my peers lose heart. Many who have trodden the path of faith for years becoming uninterested and drawn away by empty promises from the world. Choosing popularity and compromise instead of Christ. The effects are evident to everyone except them. The verse goes on to say that those who stop watching and waiting for Christ will have their portion with the unbelievers.

I am encouraged by this verse in Luke. We have heard from Sunday school to the pulpits that Jesus will be coming back, yet we have yet to see it.
Still, the promise is out there to be fulfilled....no matter how late it may seem. Even if it is in the second or third watch.
He will come on a day "when he is not looking for him and at an hour he is not aware"

Lord, let us not lose heart. May we be caught waiting and watching for You.

Turkey Bowl 07'

2007-11-29T07:22:00.001-08:00

Historically, this is a one side ordeal. The Yost vs. Riddells annual Turkey Bowl for yearly bragging supremacy normally defaults to the Yost Family. But once in a while every garbage-can gets a steak.

In 2006, this game was lopsided from the start as the Yost Family shut down and shut out the Riddells in a game that was basically called 'finished' out of mercy. The game was 'for fun', but I could see that the other side of the family had begun to plan for next year. The embarrassment was exposed, excuses came rolling in and 364 days would pass before The Riddells would get another chance.

This year the game was to kickoff first with a 30 minute time limit. The emails that circulated for the past few months hinted that no one forgot the 2006 Yost domination and that the rematch was heavy on the minds of the Riddells. Jen and I were worried that we'd be a bit "to dressy" for football, meaning we wanted to look like we cared but not really, just in case no one cared. I told Jen to give it her all and she responded with cleats and gloves.... that's my wife! End the end, everyone cared and the do-rags and cleats and jeresys came out and the game was on.

Turns out that the Yosts were out numbered this year 7 1\2 to 6 1\2...the half is for Cam. The little one was on both sides of the ball at all times to even it out.

We were up for the challenge. The Riddells responded first with a defensive stop of the Yost offense lead by QB Gary "cool as a fan" Yost. The Yosts then, as we always do, clamped down on defense behind the surprise pass rush of Jess "just doing what I'm told" Hodson. She was told to rush the QB and that she did. After a few exchanges, we realized that the Riddells had come to play and we would have to step it up a notch. Time to open the playbook.

Trick plays always work in Turkey Bowls.

Gary hiked the ball and threw it over to Joe "94' Hurricanes forever" Hodson who changed in to an All-American QB after the lateral and rolled to his left under heavy pressure, then, dug his cleats in to the soggy turf and launched a 30 yard pass to the endzone.

At this point, no one was going to deny me this touchdown, my defender was beat by a mile and I dove to make the catch....1-0 Yosts. So pretty. Joe and I locked eyes...we knew we still had that brother in law connection.

Normally against the Riddells one TD will do it. This year though, they were a bit feisty. Andrew returned an interception for the first ever Riddell score after Pete's bull rush overwhelmed my "protection" of Gary. Gary's last ditch effort to complete a pass ended in the hands of Andrew and it was 1-1.

No problem. The Yosts stormed down the field after trick plays from Jen "I'm suffering from hives in the cold, yet still playing....are you watching husband?" Frabott to Joe Hodson. Then, to end the drive, Gary Yost redeemed the interception with a beautiful, "Rex Kern like" pass to the corner of the endzone where only Joe could snag the ball. Gary, gleaming like Joe Namath, hadn't lost a step. 2-1 Yosts. Time expired......

Oh, if we just stuck to the rules. We decided, though the time limit was up, to let the Riddells finish the drive. Offensively, they had done nothing in two years, why would they do something now? The game went on.

It was fourth down and the Riddels needed only one completion to keep the drive alive. I assumed they would throw short and get the first so I wanted to keep them in front of us but Uncle Pete had different ideas. As he dropped back, it became evident they were going for it all. I was covering Andrew soft, thinking he would cut the route short but he kept going....I'd seen this before. Doug Flutie did this and no one had ever forgotten about "Hail Flutie". In any case, Pete threw the ball deep and threw away any chance of victory. Almost in slow motion, I had dejevu. Earlier in the game I knocked down several passed just like this so I lined up to do the....slip.

I slipped.

I was not wearing cleats but my shoes had not failed me all day. I was running and jumping and cutting the whole game and NOW a slip?

I was out of the play. Andrew jumped up between everyone and caught the ball at it's highest point. Touchdown. 2-2. Ridells win.

Wasn't it a tie? Yes it was, but it felt like Ohio State losing to Walnut Springs.

Sure it's all in fun but though we tied, no one in the family will forget about "Uncle Flutie" and the "Catch" or in my case the "Slip". For them, that tie was a win for them and loss for us.

358 days.......358 days....358 days and counting.

Starring Michael Keaton as "Tony Frabott"

2007-11-19T08:02:00.000-08:00

He is actually too old to play my current life stage so I'd have to settle with someone else.

Anyway I have a few thoughts to jot down.

I heard a talk from Donald Miller, the guy who wrote Blue Like Jazz and a few others.

The premise was that our life is like a movie or story being written and the climax of our life story has already been laid before us. The climax comes when Christ will say to us "Well done, good and faithful servant." How we get there, however, is up to us.

Like a movie, my life is being played on the big screen of life.
If I were to watch it, would I be bored to tears?
Is the story I'm writing a page turner?

Not that God doesn't have a plan for my life. In fact, His plan stretches across eternity but I wonder just how much freedom I actually have to "write" my story. Every decision I make adds to the pages of my narrative. The problem for me is, am I waiting on God to write it or am I writing my story with God's help and guidance? Am I taking risks or fleeing them? Facing obstacles or avoiding obstacles?

Would I even need a stunt double?

I want my life to count....at least to be worth the price of admission.

demons.com 2008

2007-11-09T07:36:00.000-08:00

In Luke 9 there are passages concerning demon possession and the casting out of such demons. The casting out is happening not only by Jesus but by those "not even following him" according to His disciples. Throughout the gospels this topic is rampant and has me thinking a bit more about it. As a follower of Christ, how do I respond to this? I have never "cast out a demon". How does this act look in 2007?

I have heard sermons stating "how smart" satan is. Apparently, he has the ability to regroup his troops to discuss how to keep up with the times and keep temptation fresh. I'm sure these meetings happen over coffee somewhere in a skyscraper of a commercial giant. If satan is so up on the times, which, though it sounds silly, is not a bad argument, if you look at our world, I'm sure that he has left the actual 'inner human possession' for more of a blanket of oppression of affluence approach.

(Here some thoughts about demons in the dot.com era.

1- Being Gothic is so 1999. Acting and dressing like a demon, is the farthest thing from being possessed. Though it is associated with the demonic, why posses someone who has voluntarily decided to act like one of you anyway? Being goth passes with acne. If anything is a phase, its being goth.

2- It is far more effective to just distract people from spiritual needs. As information and technology increase, today the thought of demons and possession seem a bit old fashioned.

3- "The blind see"- This is more than just a physical miracle, but pertains to our spiritual eyes as well. In the same way that in biblical times you could see the physical possession of an individual by a demon, today, if you follow Christ, you can "see" a much more larger oppression that "blankets" our society. Jesus has opened our eyes this reality. )

George E Ladd- states- "....the Kingdom of God has come among men to defeat satan and to deliver men from the domination of satanic power."

I think this domination of satanic power goes much further than just being "demon possessed" Could satan have changed is agenda to more of an influencing force, less actual inner possession?

I'm not saying that it never happens today but I am thinking that demon possession may look different than the stereotypes we have in our culture.

"Our battle is not with flesh and blood but against the principalities and powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual host of wickedness in the heavenly places."

The battle is still raging. How can we be better equipped to adjust to the changing times? How can we be made more aware of our clever enemy?

the seed among thorns

2007-11-01T08:17:00.000-07:00

"Now the ones that fell among thorns are those who, when they have heard, go out and are choked with cares, riches and the pleasures of life, and bring no fruit to maturity."- Luke 8:14

The Word of God lies fruitless on these dry lands of thorns and thistles.

A distinction is made from those who gladly receive the Word of God and those in which It bears fruit.

The dilemma for me is that the cares, riches and pleasures of this life seem to go hand in hand at times with the blessings of God. I am thankful that I have never had to go without. Though I have wondered what my next meal would be, I never had to wonder where my next meal would come from. My entire life up to this point has been bountiful. It has been a blessing but at what cost?

Have the blessings I've experienced been "choking" out the fruit of the Word in my life? Oh... I have received the Word gladly, but am I bearing Its healthy fruit?

My aim in life is not to gain material riches, but to be able to provide for my family- this of course means giving a lot of my time to this world and its cares in order to see this through. Yet, I don't want to give so much to the world that I'm spiritually "choked out" by it.

thus the internal struggle continues...

facebook

2007-10-26T06:36:00.000-07:00

just read an article that mentioned Facebook is worth more than $15 billion dollars.

The Internet site is not even five years old and the CEO is 23.

I read these staggering articles and my mind races around like NASCAR at the Daytona 500. How in the world did that happen? How do you even begin something like this? What do I want to be when I grow up?
Part me feels as if I'm falling behind in life and the other part of me sees a great bay window of opportunity.

I desire to make a difference, yet seem to lack that inner gear that some are able to shift to. Professionally, I have always been the worker, never the innovator. "Show me what to do and I'll do it....then I'll go home." That attitude will only get me so far. Not that I want only worldly success, but I would at least like a bit more passion about my career.
Sadly, that is true for me in my walk with Christ as well. The passion nowadays only flickers like a candle in the wind. I cannot manufacture feelings or this drive to see the world come to Christ. I want to see it happen, I just have a hard time these days getting off the bench to contribute.

The good news is I was created to impact the world...for Christ.That is what God says about me. That is my calling. It is in me somewhere. I do have that gear I can shift to that will shake the world around me. It might not be through the headlines of CNN Money or FOX news or through some website but it will make the angels in heaven sing. I must allow myself to enter into this place and believe it is there. "The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak." My prayer is to allow the Holy Spirit to fan the flame that flickers and light the fire again.

So, I guess for me all I want is for Jesus to write on my wall " well done good and faithful servant"

I'm sure I would have 15 billion reasons why that would be cool too.

do you feel sick?

2007-10-23T16:19:00.000-07:00

"those who are well have no need of a physician but those who are sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance."

Luke 5:31-32

We spent a week in San Diego this past July and it truly was one of the best places in the country to be. I couldn't grasp that this place even existed in the states. The weather was amazing and the views were so picturesque. But today, this wonderful place lies in a blazing inferno that is destroying the homes and lives of many, not to mention the damage done to the environment.

It makes me realize how fragile life is.

It is great to see the relief effort taking place. Lessons learned from the Katrina disaster has helped the situation in southern California even though it is still grim. These are the times that we come together as a human race. We can see the danger, we can see the need... so we react. I'm thankful for that.

Unfortunately, when it comes to our spiritual needs, we are not so quick to react.

Jesus did not come to call the righteous to repentance.

If you were to poll the average person, my guess would be that they would say that they were not righteous. They would probably make a reference to some mistake they made in their life and hope that when they die they will be allowed in to heaven. Biblical, it is sin that keeps us from this desired location.

Our society has such a twisted view on what sin is. The word "sinner" or "sin automatically births thoughts of particular actions one does. The word itself also seems a bit old fashioned. The fact is, sin encompasses a whole lot more that just actions. Sin invades our thoughts, actions and motives. It encompasses our whole beings. Instead of the word "sin" how about using the word "sick" in its place. We are sick and we don't realize it.

How is it that we are sick? For one, if we say that we have no sin (sickness), we deceive ourselves. Second, there is none well (righteous), no, not one. (Funny how Jesus did not come for those that are well (righteous), but for the sick (sinner)). Third, there is none who seeks after God, because we seek after ourselves. Fourth, by the deeds of the law no flesh will be justified. Fifth.....you get the picture.

Sin is like high blood pressure or kidney failure. You can go almost your whole life without realizing it and then one day....its too late to fix it. But, if caught early, the effects can be reversed!

Thankfully, Jesus is the great physician. In Luke 6, multitudes of people came to Him to hear Him and to be healed from their sicknesses and diseases. It says that " they sought to touch Him... (as)power went out from Him and healed them all."

I love the picture that paints. Jesus left no one out, He healed them all. He took all the time needed to meet everyones need and everyones prayer. His compassion for the people overwhelmed their sicknesses and infirmities. For once, it seemed, the worlds problems had met their match. This, I believe is only a foreshadowing of His return when this becomes reality.

Until then, can we recognize that we are sick in the eyes of God and need healed? We need to seek Jesus and hear from Him and let Him heal our sicknesses (sins), before it's too late.

28-24

2007-10-18T09:22:00.000-07:00

Buckeye Post-

Saturday at 3:30pm I will be at Ohio Stadium cheering on the #1 Ohio State Buckeyes as they face the Michigan State Spartans. This game for me is not like the others.

I remembered a fall day back in 1998 when the then #1 Ohio State Buckeyes faced the Michigan State Spartans at Ohio Stadium in a 3:30pm game. The 98' was the team, this was our year, we were going to win it all, for the first time in my life! In fact, I was so sure of winning this game ( we were a four touchdown favorite) that I remember only watching the first half and then doing whatever I did and then catching the end on the radio....Buckeyes lose 28-24. I was not supposed to get sick over a stupid game but I thought...."I feel sick."
We finished number 2 in 1998. That is all I remember... being second.

Sure we won it all in 2002 and almost did it again last year...sooo close....kinda sick about that too, but I was watching tv this week when the Big Ten network aired the OSU MSU game from 1998.- it was like I discovered an open wound I did not know about. (Jen, I confess, I have been watching this game, you ask what game is on at 5 in the afternoon...this is the game...this is reality) I DVRd the game and have been watching it slowly- hoping to change the outcome....I thought OSU being up 24-9 in the third quarter was a large enough lead that if I somehow slowed it down, OSU would hang on to win. DVR is not that cool. OSU still lost.

So here we are once again....funny how things come full circle. We are supposed to win, just like in 98' but I'll be there this time though. In the flesh, until the clock runs out win or lose. If OSU can win, it would lay to rest the 98' nightmare and patch the sports wound that I have....if they lose...

its just a game?

28

2007-10-16T06:13:00.000-07:00

today is my personal New Years Day celebration- some call it "birthday". Actually, I still call it birthday but in my case there is more to it:

8 years ago on this day i decided to follow after Jesus. I stepped off of the wide and spacious way I had been comfortable on and began to navigate through the crooked and narrow paths of Christ.

that decision changed the course of my life forever. Following Christ means not following anything else. At the time, those closest to me remained on the wide and spacious road, unable to part from the temporary comforts that it offered and I ventured out on my own. However, I would not be alone for long.

As walked the less trodden paths, there were others there along the way, to walk with me, to direct me, to encourage me, to lead me. There too many to name and more come along everyday. For this I'm deeply grateful.

Honestly, I can't say that I've never looked back. Many times I've wished to see those that I parted ways with be found on these paths as well. I have yet to see them.

Sometimes, I have wondered where I would be had I continued in my ways and continued on the wide and spacious road. These times of wondering were a waste at best and tool of the adversary to keep me from moving ahead after Jesus.

But as I woke up today, to breakfast in bed from my wonderful wife ( I must say...my fellow companion on this road of faith and the biggest blessing in my life), a new year had dawned.

My personal prayer for this year is Philippians 3:7-14. After 8 years of walking this path, it remains crooked and narrow, faithful to it's design. The only option is to press forward toward the goal.

So on I go....

forever greatful

The Blessed Mother

2007-10-09T10:17:00.000-07:00

One of my issues with Catholicism is the worship and\or praying to the saints, including Mary. I just don't see that within the texts of Scripture. It frankly doesn't make sense to me. Christianity is not a dualistic religion. We worship God alone, God being- Father, Son, Holy Spirit. We are not called to worship or pray to anyone else. Besides only God can forgive sins.
However, I do wish to give Mary a bit more respect than I have recently. I think worship should be for God alone, yet, I do want to give Mary her reverent due.

What I do see, when reading Luke 1, is God beginning to move again after years of silence when He sends Gabriel to visit Zacharias and Mary. God is up to something again and you can almost sense the Spirit "hovering over the face of the waters" again. God is doing something big.

Well, Gabriel appears to Zacharias and tells him about his future son John the Baptist, yet Zacharias does not believe Gabe and its made mute until Johns birth. (Can you imagine if God acted that quickly when we don't believe). Mary though she believes the more ridiculous of the two stories, that she will be bear a child not even "knowing" a man. It is then later that she sings out and says " For behold, henceforth all generations will call me blessed." Mary humbly lives out her role as the mother of Jesus, the savior of the world.

I admire her faith and obedience. As His mother she had a connection to Jesus that we could never know. (Considering, she conceived Him as a virgin, how do you ever get over that?) I wonder what she felt watching Him grow in to a man. Watching Him grow in the knowledge and power of God. She has few words throughout the texts after Jesus is born, but she keeps many things in her heart concerning Him. She had to let Jesus go, just as any other mother would have to let her boy go and grow in to a man. Ultimately, she had to watch Jesus die on the cross, which to her probably did not match the promise from Gabriel that Jesus would reign over the "House of Jacob forever". Yet she never wavered. Mary lived her life faithful to God and to her Son. She truly is blessed and blessed among all women.

Breezing through these texts does not do them justice. I admit to rushing through parts of the Bible I "know". The fact is, I don't know much. God is constantly revealing Himself through His Word- like my view of Mary. Mary was a huge part of God's plan, yet sometimes we non-Catholics are quick to put her in her place among all of us other "sinners". Sinner or not, Mary was "highly favored" by God for this task. There is something to be said of that.

Just as Paul is a prime example of how we should live out our faith as Christians, is not Mary the prime example of the ultimate mother surrendered to God and His work?

Much adoration due.

The Hardened States of America

2007-10-05T13:22:00.000-07:00

"North America is the only continent in the world where the church is not growing," says Eric Ramsey of the Southern Baptist Convention's North American Mission Board (NAMB).

Despite what some say, the United States is not a post-Christian nation. It's more half Christian and half post-Christian, trying to make up its mind. A sizeable share of Americans describe themselves as Bible-believing Christians. In many places and contexts you can still reach people simply by opening the doors and offering a worship service.

There are also places and contexts where Buddhism is better understood and more admired than Christianity. Pockets of Sonoma County, California, where I live, certainly fit the description. It's deep-blue America, defined by organic veggies, fine wines, and high tech.

"Sonoma County is a tough nut," church-planting pastor Dan Boyd of Hope Chapel told me. "America is a tough nut. We've seen it all and done it all. In America, we don't need God."- Tim Stafford- Christianity Today

The Starbuckians

2007-10-04T05:58:00.000-07:00

If you've ever walked in to a Starbucks I'm sure you've noticed the people sitting inside the store, drinking coffee and doing whatever they do. However, most people go in and order their outrageous $9 drinks, filled with enough of "the legal drug" to keep an entire city awake and run out the door. If you are like me though and have been able to spend some extra time sitting IN the Starbucks you will see the people inside with a whole different perspective. In fact, I am one of those people. I am a Starbuckian and here is a glimpse in to our world-

1. The expensive drinks are not for us.
- We are pastors and writers and readers and sales people we don't always have the money for those so we stick with the simple 3$ drinks and leave the others for those who can afford it.

2. Actually, we are actors and we want to play roles of readers, writers and sales people.
- Lets be real here. Don't be fooled. That copy of War and Peace you see the guy in the glasses reading- he's been "reading" that for months! People who ARE readers...have ALREADY read that. (i.e Joe)Also, I may be wrong but I have yet to run in to Karen Kingsbury or John Grisham in Starbucks. Probably because they are actually writing somewhere.
As far as the sales people....well that is what I am and I'm blogging in Starbucks right now so you be the judge next time you see us "working".

3. We are in the front lines of God's work
Being a Christian I am highly aware of this. In a days time I have seen pastors come in and out, people having discipleship time, bible studies, quiet times, mentorship and conversations about Christ. In fact, people are saved in Starbucks quite a bit.
I sat so close to a meeting of Vineyard leaders one time that I was even able to chime in and throw out some of my ideas.

4. Did I mention we are inspiring actors and actresses?
I think we sit here to be discovered. Our talents run deep. I can play a good salesman....but the good salesman is actually out there getting the sale....you get the picture

5. We love commercialism. We love capitalism. We love America. We love George Bush.
- Dont' be fooled by the music that plays in the background as if it is trying to make a political point or don't be confused by the anti-establishment person that just walked in and ordered something with soy milk. Starbucks is the essence of a capitalistic country. How more established and commercial can you get than Starbucks? They are everywhere! I love how all the music that is advertised is "not-mainstream" when the place it is sold in is the very place where the stream begins.
Everyone in here is a republican. Anyone who appears not to be is acting.

6. We are in process.
We will figure it out someday. We will grow up and do the responsible thing...just not yet. We are hesitant to break away from being a Starbuckian. There is a real world out there and we aren't sure how to handle it yet. We are not ready to leave the nest.

*The workers are exempt from this post. They work at Starbucks for the benefits. They serve the drinks but you never see them just hanging out. When their shift is over, they are out the door to face the real world. They know the truth about us, yet, let us live in it because we keep them busy. Vicious cycle.

time well wasted

2007-09-20T12:35:00.000-07:00

All I have heard in my adult life about the subject of time is that time should be managed and spent wisely. I have always agreed until recently. A question occurred to me- Is it possible to properly waste time? For instance right now, is this a good use of time, me blogging, or is it ridiculous?
Does it depend on who you ask?

I think my fantasy football is a proactive way to properly dispose of time. Some employers have argued that is takes away from productivity, I would say that I would rather my employees spend time managing a FFL team than using that 15 minutes to smoke. I think, in fact, a successful FFL team equals higher employee moral compared to darkened lungs.

Is spending time reading and gaining knowledge useful if you have no outlet to which invest your knowledge back in to? Would I be better using my reading time to meet in person with someone to dialog instead?

Even further, some say that time isn't even real but an illusion--- I need more time to think about that---if that is even possible to posses time.

I already have the ability to waste time very well but when it comes to managing time, I'm a push over.

tick...tick.....tick

you make me better

2007-09-18T20:53:00.000-07:00

"you plus me- it equals better math
your boy a good look but
she my better half"- Fab

there may be a bit of truth in everything... yes even a rap song.

Being married has been the biggest blessing that God has ever given to my life. The world plants so many negative ideas to being "tied" down to one person that it is almost hilarious when looking back at these ideas from the other side. Marriage was designed by God to be the ultimate relationship between a man and woman. A relationship that allows both people to give themselves fully to each other. A relationship full of vulnerability, passion, service and trust. I've never been loved so much for no reason than I am by Jen. Her selfless service and commitment to me is unparalleled. It's more than her finding my keys and wallet, more than reminding me about the bills and trash and other responsibilities. It is her loving me like Jesus does. It is me being able to be candid and authentic and her still choosing me. It is picking me up when I fall, understanding when I want to talk, allowing me my space, enjoying the joys, enduring the sorrow and caring for me when I am sick. She is the ultimate gift, the greatest wife and she is beyond anything I could dream.

don't get me wrong we still have our issues and it takes a lot of work but it is when I reflect on marriage, I only can smile.

Who knows where I would be without you Jen. You are the beat of my heart and the rhythm in my song. You are on my mind tonight and as you sleep in the next room, just know that I am here, writing and thinking about you. I choose you. I love you.

you make me better

I see clearly through a false lens

2007-09-14T05:50:00.000-07:00

just got my new contacts this morning, actually the first ones they gave me two weeks ago were a step down in prescription from my previous lenses, which made no sense, as if vision improves over time. "Yeah we need to bump these up" is what I was told and is what I already knew-----I'm no longer impressed with modern medicinal schooling.

Anyway, my eyes have failed me at 27. Without my contacts I have the vision of a fetus. Able to see within a womb, unable to discern. So then my options are to wear a lens that corrects this or have corrective eye surgery to fix this. I choose to wear the lens. I am thankful for technology and innovative procedures....I was blind but now I see.

That brings me to a new point-

What if I lived in the time of Christ? Those biblical stories of the blind man crying out to the Lord for healing....humbling enough that would be me. With no contact lenses or glasses for that matter I would be left wandering the streets seeing only fuzzy fragments of the world. I'm not pretending to be totally blind because I'm not, my sight being as it is however, would effect the way I would live. I, like the blind man, would not be able to see Jesus walking the streets from a far.

So how now shall I live, being that it is 2007 and technology has come to this point where I can see clearly, though not naturally? There is no contact lens over my perspectives, no glasses in front of my spiritual eyes. Though God allows us to "see" in a sense, Paul still reminds us that Christians only see through a dim sort of mirror. Sure my spiritual perspective and theology has developed since committing to Christ, but I still have trouble seeing myself for who I am in comparison to God. My view of God is still small, regardless of what I say about Him, I see that small view in my actions. I am able to read God's Word, yet understanding it still is eluding as there are always more perspectives. I don't see well with my heart. I follow my eyes and not always the spirit and the journey continues....

But today, I'm thankful for these contact lenses. My physical vision is 20/20 with them in....no small miracle to me.

Spiritually though I am still very near-sighted yet I've learned that Jesus comes to those who call and cannot see well and gives them new vision. It's only a matter of time until He gets to me, will I have the courage to cry out?

marriage dance

2007-09-12T09:03:00.000-07:00

I've been asked why I don't dance as much as I used to. Well, the main reason is because Crazy Louies shutdown and I'm not hanging out at the club Thursday through Saturday night anymore. Besides that I've entered in to a new dance, the marriage dance.

Marriage takes work, marriage is hard, marriage takes discipline, marriage takes sacrifice, marriage takes humility, marriage takes teamwork, marriage takes faith, in fact, marriage can take it's toll on you if not prepared....or even if you are prepared. That is the reality. I dated my wife for four years before our engagement and still this is what I'm coming up with. You would think we would have it down by now but we don't....and neither do a lot of couples....and I think that is how its supposed to be.

Yesterday though, Jen and I did this cool pirouette together that showed us the joys of marriage are bountiful and is truly blessed and ordained by the Lord.

When couples are dating, there is pressure in society telling them to dive in "as if married" to see what it is like. Will it work? How can I know I can live with them? How do I know we can be sexually compatible? etc... Many in the church urge couples to put off most intimacies, physical and spiritual until the wedding day. I would agree with that group but it's for a lot more than "the bible says so". God has designed many things for marriage and it's to keep us safe, not to spoil our fun.

For example:

Saving sex for marriage, among other things, allows you to build your relationship on a foundation that is not dependent on physical needs that usually dominate us. It helps develop your friendship. It allows you to get to know your partner in a deeper and more meaningful way. It forces communication and creativity because you begin showing your love in different ways that become more meaningful than one ever thought. It shows that as a couple, you can commit to long term goals that require sacrifice. It shows that you care more about the individual and less about what physical needs of yours they can meet. Besides, what if something came up and you were not able to be physically intimate any longer? Would the marriage still go on? Could you handle that reality? Interesting thought.

Also, anything denied in the short term will be rewarded in the long term. For instance, vacations with your boyfriend\girlfriend are in themselves not bad, but it is what is represents that can become the issue. It represents that the couple cannot put off gratifying their desires for a later time (marriage) when in fact, it is this ability to put off desires that turns in to a strong weapon against the perils that come with marriage. Not having these boundaries opens up the window of infidelity. There is sure to come a time when your spouse will let you down and there will mysteriously be someone else around that seems to pick you up. If you have not learned how to quench your temptations prior to marriage, you will be surprised with how easily you may be overcome by them.

I'm running out of room and time and that is why so many people write books about this stuff.....I'm trying to get a few thoughts down but it is turning in to a book itself. The main point is that God as ordained marriage and it should be held in high regard. It is something that takes preparation, prayer , persistence and rhythm.

So yes, Jen and I continue to dance. We continually do the marriage dance.... and there are always new steps to learn.

Slumber Party?

2007-09-10T08:44:00.000-07:00

"Oh wretched Man that I am! that I should sleep in the midst of Difficulty! that I should so indulge the Flesh, as to use that rest, for ease to my flesh, which the Lord of the Hill hath erected only for the relief of the Spirits of Pilgrims! How many steps have I took in vain! and I am made to tread those steps with Sorrow, which I might have trod with Delight, had it not been for this sinful Sleep. How far might have I been on my Way by this time! I am made to tread those steps thrice over, which I needed not to have trod but once: yea, now also I am like to be benighted, for the Day is almost spent: O that I had not slept!"- The Pilgrims Progress

Arise!

Professional Scripture Wrestling

2007-09-07T06:36:00.000-07:00

I seem to have taken a summer break from this blogging idea. My brother and sister- in- law are in the fold now so I have found new motivation...

Somehow, about two months back, I must have arrived at the notion that I knew a lot about the Bible. I think the sermon series at church helped this notion by taking a turn toward the desert bar to fill up on whip cream. The ancient stories were all too familiar too me and overall I think I'd probably be obnoxiously good at a biblical trivia game. (Yes, I recognize the pride in this, but that is a given.) I wanted to know how I could arrive at this mind frame. People have scoured the scriptures for thousands of years only to harvest more and more from them. Yes, I have read a decent amount in the last seven years, but nothing along the lines of scholars. So how come I know so much? How come it is not exciting to me? Where did I inherit this infinite knowledge of these ancient texts? Is this a spiritual gifting? Of course I did not really ask myself those questions but I did start again my questioning the text itself and this is where I think, if I could, hit a nerve within God....in a good way though.

There is in all of us, that one thing that gets our blood flowing. That one thing, that when questioned by someone, we are ready to engage with them.

For instance, if I am a Ohio State Buckeye fan who knows all about the rich history of the football program and I meet someone new to the area that has some interest in football, yet unfamiliar with Ohio State, you bet I'm going to be talking and showing and be all pumped up about sharing this information with them hoping to compel them to become a fan.
In a deeper sense this is how I feel God is with His Word. The minute I question His Word, He shows up in a passionate way, excited to dive in with me to show me the depths of His eternal literary work.

"Taste and see that the Lord is good" That verse is becoming the verse of my life. There is an eagerness within God to reveal Himself through His Word, if only I am willing to try it out, to read it, to wrestle with it, to question some meanings within it. If I am not asking questions about God and His word, I am not engaging it. If God's Word will judge the nations, how can I think I know it well enough?

My brother-in-law-and I had a conversation this past weekend about the final judgement of Christians. I could have talked for hours about it as we wrestled with the texts. Though he probably pinned me to the mat, it was fun to discuss the Word and to challenge what we already believe about it. The good thing is that God is not scared of questions- in fact He would rather I ask a question than not ask at all.....

Jacob wrestled with God came up lame, thankfully God has not maimed me....yet :)

" I think Jerry Falwell is going to hell"

2007-05-22T12:48:00.000-07:00

this quote was from a conversation I had today with a self proclaimed Communist Marxist. His thought line in a snippet was that religion was just a "Utopian thought made up by man." (In this instance, religion to him meant faith. What is faith and what is religion is another topic but I will stick to religion as faith in this post.)

It is a time like this where I wish I had read that extra book or spent an extra hour in my political studies of Karl Marx just so I wouldn't butcher the moment.

I had to pray for wisdom because I had an opportunity to shape his thoughts on Christianity either for the good or simply reinforce his already negative view of it. For me, this was like base jumping without a parachute, the further I went on, the more likely I was to end up unrecognizable.

Now, Jerry Falwell, regardless of one's opinion of him, is surely resting in Christ based on his faith in Him. He founded Liberty University in Virginia and was a major voice for Christians within the political arena. Of course the media will make a monster out of him but that fact is, he was filled with faith in Christ and lived out his convictions.

Now, for someone who is a Marxist, to make a remark about someone going to hell is a bit amusing to me. Can one who has no religion, claim that an individual who lived by one is doomed to hell? This Marxist obviously believed in eternity, it is just funny who he is putting where. Also according to him, the Christian right is what is wrong in this world today. How can Christians answer someone like this? I wanted to rant and rave but in this situation I just asked more questions.

I come to find out that he was raised in a very liberal United Methodist church and had a very, to me, small confrontation with an elderly woman that totally turned him off to organized religion. I reminded him that one person does not represent Christianity as a whole. He agreed with me and we went about our conversation.

the whole point of this just made me think about the various thoughts and world views that are out there in our own backyards. People hunger for meaning and purpose and they want more than just a track or a sermon about what they aren't and where they need to be. I was challenged in my mind as to whether or not I could give honest educated answers about faith in Jesus within the context of today's world and be able to communicate who He was to people.

Not sure how good I did, but at least it was brought to my attention that though I may be called to be a teacher at times, I am a student forever. Also, it made me hunger for a good book.

God continues to challenge my thoughts, my mind, my spirit, my everything. Easily pleased, never satisfied.

a few dribbles...

2007-05-21T07:35:00.000-07:00

I'm working at the OC today. Not as pretty as it looks on television...yet still enjoyable.

I had a great weekend just hanging around the house being married. It's so underrated. My wife rocks.

J-Z's sermon on Sunday really lit the flame under a few peoples shorts. It was funny to see the swtiching and sweating and nervous movements from the congreation. It was funny because I have been there before. When it comes to sex, how can we not see our brokenness and need for Christ? Sex can be so great and powerful yet so destructive and demeaning.

found a new artist this week- Japhia Life for you hip hop fans. Nice sound and not spiritually compromising.

I've been doing some music on my own as well. It's an outlet for me. I'd like to finish an album , which is a goal of mine and I think I'm over half way there. Currently though I'm in a creative fog again. I'm having a hard time getting my thoughts out in some type of order.

I'm in the mood for pizza. Actually, I can't remember a time when I wasn't in the mood for pizza.

11:02am and I'm out...

the roads much traveled

2007-05-16T07:36:00.000-07:00

keep coming these lines on the road
be it a full one or light and happy load
see the upper most eastern terrain
with its gray climate
and enough troubles for the day

move south through the plains
and hear the farms from old
keep coming these lines on the road

from plains land to mountain hills
all within the hour
Ohio has its own treasure
be it southern sunny skies
or northern showers

I never knew how vast and wide
how diverse the people
how diverse the skies
how large the fields
how high the peaks
all within our perspective
all within our reach

so many stories
yet untold
keep coming these lines on the road

what are we in this for?-- some thoughts jotted down

2007-05-08T11:11:00.000-07:00

every now and then, though now more frequently then first thought, I think about the state of my faith in Christ. For me, I question my commitment. I even question the point of it all. Even in my conversations with others who claim to follow Christ, commitment is rarely brought up. Could I be the only one questioning? Am I the only one that sees that it is much more than devotional times, lifegroup and church service? I am left looking for more...

Is the point of our faith JUST salvation? For if it is, why continue on through the spiritual growth process? We are saved right? Jesus is just the means to an end. The means by which we enter the Kingdom, the means by which we find our eternal bliss and comfort. Do we only really follow Jesus to fulfill our final agenda of finding eternal peace. Were we provoked to follow Jesus by fear of hell fire? As I've heard before"I didnt want Christ, I just didn't want hell more" What are our motives in our following Him?

I'm finding that the purpose of our faith is that we are able to know God more. We have access to and may be in relationship with the creator God and fulfill His purposes in our lives. He is the potter and by faith we let Him mold and shape us. Heaven will be what it is, but the fact that I was separated from God and then brought near by God himself through the blood of Christ, is the reality of my faith. My condition before God and how my sins kept me from this relationship should be forefront. (Not the fear of eternal damnation or the bliss of heaven) Through His word, God reveals Himself to us and He has given us eyes to understand Him and see what He is doing.

In His day, Jesus would use "hard sayings" that caused many Jews to turn away from following Him. It is these same "hard sayings" that make me search within myself and that challenge me and lead me to question. It is these hard sayings that tear my world apart. It is these hard sayings that crush me beneath myself. It is these hard sayings that destroy my future. Yet, it is these same hard sayings that restore and recreate me.

I'm ok with our motives not being 100% pure but through that, God continues to mold and shape. We should never be content with our walk with Christ. Sure there are those moments of peace we experience but it takes a life time to change and now matter where we are, we are to be sooo much more.

"It takes all I am to believe, in this mercy that covers me"

pressing in...pressing on

2007-04-13T06:47:00.000-07:00

The one thing about God that I have experienced is that He is constantly in pursuit of our hearts. I know it sounds cliche but I think we miss this often. Saying it is one thing, recognizing it is another.

It is the underlying unsettledness of life.
The ever growing awareness of our weaknesses.
Our lack of control over life events.
The temptation of evil against choosing what is good.
The constant search for meaning.
The desire for a purpose.

It is how the invisible God becomes visible to us. If we just let ourselves get in touch with the reality of what our life is, God shows up clearer than ever before.

The call to be a disciple of Jesus begins with the faith to die to who we were and to trust that Jesus is the Messiah. It seems for me though, that the death of who I was has not been so immediate. There is a constant examination about parts of the old me that live on. As I peel way the layers, more is revealed that I hold on to. I see more and more of my need for the Saviour.
God is constantly pressing in on my heart, desiring that I always be moving toward Him, never idle, always in process, never "just ok", always prodding, always revealing...always loving. (Eph 1:17-19)

So today I'm thankful to be moving ahead in my journey through such a great faith. Following Jesus of Nazareth. Moving ahead with Peter and Paul and James and John and Stephen and Martin Luther and Augustine and C.S Lewis and Bill Bright and Brian McCollister and Jim Zippay and Matt Bartley and Mike Martin and Matt Fink and Jennifer Frabott....you get the picture.

We are told that the end of our journey will result in life eternal; in fellowship with the One and True, Creator God...for once what is "too good to be true"....will finally "be true".

vanilla sky in athens

2007-04-10T11:14:00.000-07:00

it feels like it was a lucid dream.

everytime I come back here there is a refreshing of my spirit. this time, along with that refreshing, the song from the final scene in vanilla sky is playing in the coffee shop where I'm writing. I don't do ironic...so it's just a cool moment.

the people change, the places do not. the footsteps sound familiar but faces are different.

the transformation spiritually and personally that I experienced at OU will always stay with me. I still work through it, still uncover it, still live it out.

yes all things come to an end...but for this moment it is good to be back....

the humanness of today

2007-04-06T06:52:00.000-07:00

lost sometimes in all the teaching, theology, and interpretations related to the scriptures is the humanness of it all. We follow Jesus of Nazareth. Though God, still man. We follow one who during His time was seen as a nuisance, seen by many as one who draws away the people. Who defies not only Judaism but also Caesar. They crucified people like this and Jesus was no different. When recounting history as a whole, Jesus' life, though respected by many, is but a blurb.

It is what God has allowed us to see that makes the landscape look much different. The followers of Jesus, Christ-ians, as we are called have a perspective that is not our own yet is shared by us all. God has revealed His plans, His mysteries, His Son and His-story to us. We see life through a divine lens. Life for us is a bit different. We push against the grain, sometimes not even sure why or how. Choices we make are obscure to most, understood by few. We are always in process, yet never reaching the end until our days are fulfilled.

We are the "sons and daughters" of those who have gone before us. From those who walked with Jesus, to those who saw Him resurrected, to those who were killed and tortured because of their allegiance to Him, we are the fruit. Today we carry on this faith that began almost 2000 years ago.

As I reflect on Good Friday, I see the Good in it. My prayer is that I can continue to see more of the good than I already do. I pray that I can continually see my sin nailed to His hands and feet.

We don't follow a worldview, or a thought, or a political agenda, or an idea.

We follow Jesus of Nazareth, the"Son of man". May we, as others before, follow Him, with our lives.

Surely He comes quickly.

solitude

2007-02-19T11:11:00.001-08:00

...

Tom Wright

2007-02-15T11:56:00.000-08:00

Revelation 11.15:
‘The Kingdom of this world is become the Kingdom of our God and of his Christ.’

"….Equally, there was a long tradition of revolt, from the Maccabees to Bar-Kochba, sometimes using the slogan ‘No King but God’.13 But when Jesus of Nazareth announced that God’s kingdom was breaking in, he seems not to have meant it in that sense. What was he talking about? How did Jesus’ vision of God’s kingdom stand in relation to the kingdoms of the world?
From the start, Jesus’ proclamation of God’s kingdom was fighting talk.14 Everybody knew that God’s kingdom didn’t refer to a place, perhaps a place called ‘heaven’, where God ruled and to which God’s people would be gathered, well away from the wicked world, at the end of their lives. Only a Deist could think like that. God’s kingdom, said Jesus, was coming, and people should pray for it to come, on earth as in heaven; and here he was, on earth, making it happen before people’s very eyes. When Herod heard, he was angry; he was King of the Jews, and rival claimants tended not to live long. When the Chief Priests heard, they knew that it meant a challenge to their power base, the Temple. If Caesar had heard, he would have reacted similarly. What none of them could figure out, and what even Jesus’ closest associates had difficulty understanding, was what kind of a challenge Jesus intended to pose: what sort of a kingdom he was advancing, and what kind of a king he considered himself to be."

poker odds from Watkins HS

2007-02-02T06:21:00.000-08:00

in case you are playing cards this fine Friday night...dont question going all in...it looks good according to this source-

"johnny marette won the poker tournament with a royalflush...which is a once in a lifetime hand...apparently the people who think they know say it's...1:649,750 but you know what i think...it's 50:50..."- MB....all in.

i gets busy

2007-01-26T15:56:00.000-08:00

i gets busy on the blog writin' poems that flow in

and out..things get pint up...I release 'em out

I want to invent vocabulary because at times I can't explain

life that brings pain... is supposed to be gain

now I'm on my 8 to 5 ...gotta eat..gotta survive

starbucks is not enough...caffeine the false high

strive to be profound... the flesh willing... the spirit weak

so I'll settle being me... and just keep the light on my feet

family hope...

2007-01-12T08:30:00.000-08:00

I was sitting at a coffee shop today and a family came in with thier little daughter. She was so excited when she saw the games and shouted "Dad will play a game with me?" I thought for sure he would drop the classic..."...not right now honey. Dad is busy."..instead he pulled the "SURE honey I would love too!" MY heart jumped...imagine what the little girls heart did. He ordered a Venti ice tea "black" and told his wife to pull up a chair and play shutes and ladders with them. She laughed as well.

This scene is so uncommon in today's world, a family enoying time together that I couldnt help but watch. There was something healing about it. Here is a man that I have seen for 5 minutes but I want to be just like him one day....at least in this area. He has no idea of the impact he is making on me or on his daughter. I dont know his story but I do know a bit more about the father I would like to be.

who is at your table?

2007-01-10T10:50:00.000-08:00

listened to a sermon today about how Jesus sat and ate with the rich tax collectors all the way down the social ladder to the lepers. it was a picture of everyone being excepted in the kingdom of God despite the social status we give them. Within that is another picture of people just being accepted for who they are and where they are. The status we give people over others based on what they have or how famous they are makes other people feel insignificant and alone. We are all equal in the eyes of God. Why not live this out when interact with others. The next time we see someone who we do not necessarily want to see at that moment, lets welcome them. Lets invite them to our table and eat with them. No one should ever feel alone.

is this happening again?

2007-01-08T10:45:00.000-08:00

I find it necessary to get these thoughts out..take it or leave it.

Born in Columbus, Ohio MOST people AT THE LEAST know that OSU football is a part of our cities life. Being born a male, MOST of MALES KNOW that OSU football is a big deal. So being born in a family that has its roots a few miles from the Horseshoe, I was born with not only a sin nature, from Adam but was born with the passion from my fathers father.. The passion for OSU football. I have loved OSU since I can remember. It has always been a part of me, a part of my relationship with my dad, my family. It has always been a topic of discussion during the holidays. I learned growing up that come fall, OSU football takes it's place on the entertainment forefront.

I think I have a proper perspective of all this. I have not placed my significance in OSU. I'm not obsessed to the point of getting my life excitement out of it. Yes it is hard to miss a game and I would be sad for a bit if we lost but overall...I think I'm dealing well with this passion.

The hard thing is trying to explain this to people who think I have gone overboard. Since my walk with the Lord has taken off, I find occasional opposition to my love for OSU football. I appreciate the challenge to rethink "my obsession" and if I'm spending too much time on it or not. I get boarder line occasionally, like taking the days off work to schedule around the games. Or canceling any event but a life tradgedy in order to watch the games on Saturday. Is that too far?

Here are the facts: I know too much about OSU football. I've followed intently since 1988. That was around the time that I understood and retained what was going on....so we will say I have followed it for around 18 seasons. I remember the 86' Cotton bowl and when we defeated Michigan in 1987, Earle Bruce's last game but I'll say 1988 is when I officially began watching the Bucks. Thus began the John Cooper era....not the best of luck. For the first 8 years, OSU was a better than average team. We won some games, went to a few small bowls and we were 1-6-1 against Michigan. No Rose Bowls and one co-Big Ten Title. It was EVERYONE else going to the big bowls. I began to expect that we just were not as good as Alabama and Michigan and Miami and Florida State etc..

In 1995, it looked like we were going to turn a corner. We had a great team, up to number 2 in the nation! 11-0 going in to Michigan. Lost to Michigan then lost to Peyton Manning and Tennessee. 11-2. Still not the best.

1996, we were on the verge again. 10-o going in against Michigan. Lost to Michigan. We did win the Rose Bowl though...but we finished second.

1997, lost to Michigan, lost to Florida State finished 10-3.

1998 was our best chance to win it all up to this point. We started number one for the first time in my LIFE! That was a cool feeling. We were all over the papers and magazines, the clear favorite! We even beat Michigan and won our bowl game!
The problem was we lost to Michigan State earlier in the year. We were like a 20 plus point favorite. lost 28-24. We finished...second.

1999, 2000, 2001 much of the same.....

Winning the National Title in 2002 is a post in itself. The best season ever. The best feeling ever. We finally did it! I lived to see it! I watched it all! 14-0...we did everything we need to to win. That might of carried me throughout the rest of my life. I would have died a happy buckeye! There were like 34 years in between titles....so I wasnt expecting much....

Now here we are, a few seasons later with another chance to win it all!

I will not apologize today. I will wallow in my passion and obsession. Who knows what the future holds. When kids come or responsibilities change...I'm sure it will change for me but today is our day Buckeye fans. Today is my holiday. I want to enjoy this all I can. Who knows if it will ever happen again. I hope, but you never know.

Go Bucks.

38-10.

Doogie Houser started blogging

2007-01-04T13:36:00.000-08:00

For those who can remember, at the end of those episodes, Doogie would type a few comments in to his home PC and sign off. Those were the best moments because we were able to see inside the mind of a 14 year boy genius. So genius that he was blogging in the early 90's. Actually, I think I am still processing what he wrote then and I'm 27 now.....interesting.

we are to bear one another's burdens...i'm in it with you kid.

I've always heard that it is easier to put the whole ocean into a paper cup than it is to say I'm sorry and mean it.....there is more truth in that that I thought.

I predict Bucks win 38-10

the divine provision

2007-01-03T12:20:00.000-08:00

there is no better taste than that of manna.

This is phrase is loaded....unpack it slowly.

happy 2007.

awaiting the regeneration

2006-12-28T08:15:00.000-08:00

Cool verse in Matthew when Jesus is constantly answering questions about who will be greater in the kingdom and "look what we've done Jesus! We've given all we have, what do we get back?" from his disciples. In the NKJ version, Jesus speaks of when the "regeneration" happens. The time when the Son of Man is sitting on the throne and his disciples appartently will judge the 12 tribes of Israel. I love the idea of the regeneration. It speaks of something that is not right and will be made right again, namely, the earth.
The greater victory is not destroying the earth and making a new one, it is taking this broken world and restoring it and all that is in it to its former glory. The orginal intent that God had when He created it. ...Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.

time stands still

2006-12-27T13:50:00.000-08:00

it really does. I'm waiting for my day to end at five and guess what, the last ten minutes will actually take like an hour. It is a weird phenomena.

pointless thoughts connect
eventually
creating a larger part of the story
thoughts must be taken captive
must be filtered to avoid
disaster
thoughts praise
thoughts blaspheme
thoughts are seeds
that grow
in to deeds that give life
or destroy

office space

2006-12-21T05:19:00.000-08:00

its Thursday, 8:19am and I'm sitting at my work desk....I'm such a conformist.

Work is not an entitlement. I need to see work as a blessing. If you don't run the show, you are at the mercy of your employer. If you do run the show, you are at the mercy of the market forces. Who's really in control? I'm thankful to be where I am right now because tomorrow I could be in another place. To study this situation a bit more, I almost bought a book entitled "the history of wealth" but it was too expensive...I was not shocked by that.

Does every office have a silent buzz? Even silence is not quiet anymore.

Show lastnight rocked. I liked the webcam set up. Classic.

where did it go?

2006-12-15T05:57:00.000-08:00

I promise that it hasn't been three months since my first post....unless it has. Well forget all that stuff about this being an outlet for my emotions...unless I'm not as expressive as I first thought. Where does the time go? A few appointments here and a visit there and dinner and a lunch some work and bam, its almost Christmas time. New Years Res...more blogging less time going by in between.....

I got nothing...

2006-10-12T16:50:00.000-07:00

This is my first blog of all time. Not sure what to even think about it. In fact ,I'm even a bit behind the curve. I was reading a few weeks back about how all these people have made money from blogging. I thought "great! I can do that for a living. I can spill out my thoughts for some change." I then realized that blogging is free to sign up and it more than likey won't put food on my table. I feel a bit inclined to give back though. I've been mentioned in a few bloggs, on a few peoples sites. The fact that I crossed their minds is quite flattering, however, the bad thing about that is a few months and 60 entries can pass before you realized that you were brought up.
I got love though and I want to share it.

Brooke Williams , Megan Jerse and Lesley Brandenburg- thanks for the shout outs!
With all we've been through I appreciate that there was no slander mentioned in your posts.

I look forward to the possibility of having my thoughts blasted in to internet obsecurity with the hopes that some of it finds fertile ground.

I'm just a normal guy trying to find his way. I got nothin'.......but who does?

Get at me.

Tone