the wine press

God is good.

I'm sure there is a greater biblical meaning to the term 'wine press', but for now, I can feel its' pressure as I seem to be entering it. Maybe my actions, or lack of actions has started the wheels of God's wine press ready to iron out some wrinkles I've been creating. Though uncomfortable I must endure for on the other side lays change.

My wife and I have discovered that our growing baby is a little boy. The joy I felt at that moment was best described as awe. From my perspective, my family has been generations of 'what could have been.' Not that I lost hope...actually I had lost hope but it humbles me to see that God did not and has seen fit for my family name to continue. He sees something in us. Where I am faithless, He is faithful.

What scares me is what lies ahead in terms of the type of man, husband and father I will be to my wife and son. The wine press will surely get to this inner place where a lot of darkness and sinful ways seem to be hiding out. I'm sure the exposure of some of this in the wee hours of the mornings as we are awakened again and again by crying baby are inevitable.

Ideas of ministry and following Christ's direction in our lives is part of the wine press as well. Indifference and apathy have held a place far too long in my heart and in order to iron that out, God must move again and so the wheels of the wine press turn- forcing us out from under or comfortable lives and in to the adventure that is God's Kingdom coming.

The term 'press on' means a bit more today.

God is good.

the open space of a re-orbit

In Traverse City, MI, there is a place that sits just off the little town that the locals call 'the open space'. No secret to what it is, just open space. The area is a cool hangout and provides a quick get away, if you need it, from the already small town. I love open space in the physical sense. I love the blank canvas, the open air, the breeze, the change of scenery. All of it seems to bring a refreshing that I can't find in the daily background of where I live. Parks also provide a nice get away so you get my point.However, when it comes to open space in the internal areas of my soul, I do not deal with it well.

I've never been one to attack life. My circumstances growing up only taught me to REACT to life and I've been fighting against this ever since.
I long for structure but want to test authority.
If I am free to roam, I long for boundaries.
If I'm told I can't- I want to.
If I'm told I can- I don't want to. And on and on.....and on.

But at this point in my life, I have entered the open space of my soul. I have re orbited to a place that I'm not too familiar with. After being forced to grow up so fast, I have been able to finally catch up to the speed at which my life was going. For the first time I have ground underneath me on which I can walk and there is a stability that I do not really know what to do with. I guess this is what they call becoming an adult. Funny thing is, though we age, it doesn't always mean we can get to this point.

Of course, there is a huge God story in all of this. I tend to be more Calvin in my theology because I KNOW what is IN me and I KNOW that it has been the grace of God and nothing good in me that has brought me to this point. But what does it all mean?

As I think of it, within the open space is God. Within the Red Sea, God was in the open space. In the desert, God was in the open space. God is always leading us, though the path may be too hard to discern. Up to now, I've been carried most of the way, like the man and the footprints story, but I feel like I've been set down. For me, this is a defining moment, where I turn over the fear of being loved by Love itself. The moment where I start following the Great Navigator of the open space and trust Him. I'm not much for hiking but the journey must continue.

The Way normally is through a crooked and narrow path, but I've reached this open space and I still find this part of the journey less traveled.

He knew me from my mothers womb...

My name is Tony, and the year is 1979
Beginning of me, therefore I could see
Through my belly button window who I am in time..

I existed in a womb, just like an abyss
Created from God’s hand, my hands balled in a fist
Punching on my moms stomach, kicking on her cervix
Twitching cause I'm nervous
Though my intended purpose
Was to be born again, not in scorn or vain
But to glorify His name, and the path chose for me
Bloodstream full of red cells
Developing eyes
looking out my belly button window
My father's face wears a smile
but I'm wondering will my parents stick it out
Cause if not I'll go back to God’s town
So I could rest longer before I come back down
The chute again, in the near future when
My moms and dad can agree on this
Sister here before me it seems all good now
they got a 120 days to do what they want
But as for me coming out this is my only time
So stay together, keep me, and just make up ya mind

They must wanna keep me, cause 4 months past and I'm still alive
Guess I got what you call an ill-will to survive
When I look hard the lights is killing my eyes
I know when moms is laying down cause I get bored and start to get live
Move side to side hear loud music and vibe
this little baby was born with rhythm thats no lie
Solar energize, mineralize food through my mothers tube
I'm covered in this thick layer of goo
Month two was the least most comfortable
My umbilical cord choking me
But month 3 was closer, see
Watching 'em yell, heard my moms voice well
no fist fights, but I was terrified when they yelled
While they sat silent and only looked at the wall
I wondered if I am born will I be safe at all
This place they call the world though my view was so large
Couldn't wait to get up, grow up and take charge
Month 5, Month 6 went by, hoping I'm born in July
But the Lord already figured out a date and time
October 16th, 79
Get ready world, doctors in the front waiting for the time
Arms open cause they know when I drop, the family curse gonna stop
See how Satan will start re-thinking his plot
Month 9, I’m making my move- no labor induced
Dad told my mom to push and take deep breaths too
Said stay calm, holding her arm, I'm trying to hold on
Surgical gloves touching my scalp, my head pops out
Everything blurry, my first breath screams out
Tears pouring down my dads face he's so proud
Wanted to hold me, but I was so bloody
They washed me off and he said " Hey, he isn’t so ugly!"
Placed me in his arms snuggly, laid me on my mother
Finally, I got to see who held me in her body
She loved me….


Inspired by the Nas song "Belly Button Window"

Coffee Theology

I have been working on a post about my issues with the topic of open theology for the past...say....two weeks. I was in over my head right after I wrote the words open theology and about half way through, I had to stop because one- I had to get back to work and second because there is no way I'm fitting inside an appropriate blog length. So there it sits under "edit posts" like my hallway wall waiting to be painted.

What I realize now is that I started writing that in Starbucks after a nice iced mocha. When the espresso hits me, I am changed. My thoughts become clear and it's as if I have insight and perspective that rival the reformers. Luther, Calvin, Frabott, Wesley. Open theology was there as a sitting duck and I was positioned for the shot.

Now, two weeks later, it is evident that my shot missed. It's sad I know that I need coffee to stimulate my brain and that my natural energy is comparable to solar energy running a car but I'm wondering how many others have coffee theology? Is coffee is the Jesus juice of the church? We serve it in our church and no matter how bad I think it tastes, I love every drop of it.

This was just an observation post with a bit of exaggeration in order time finishing my open theology post ,which I will, but when I'm not drinking coffee you can see what I write about here- http://1stand20.blogspot.com/

Drink up!

"Do not marvel that I said to you, 'You must be born again'.

Oh Nicodemus, how I can relate.

I marvel at this because it is such a miracle. The rebirth of someone from the inside out is more impressive than anything I can ponder, outside of resurection. Healings and casting out demons only go so far and I'm sure they are cool but to actually change someone in the inner most parts and have them become a new person is untouchable.

Someone close to me once said that they can't buy in to the 'born again' idea. They, like Nicodemus, get caught up in rational thinking. I can't blame them, it sounds crazy. Also, the label of being 'a born again Christian' as opposed to just 'Christian' is a bit wierd even for me.

"That which is born of the flesh is flesh and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit."

Here is the division from the old to the new self. For some, it is quite the contrast and for others, outwardly, not as much. Internally, for both though, it is the difference between night and day. The drastic inner invasion of the Holy Spirit is irrevocable and the regeneration of one's soul is uncontainable. This is the true miracle and can only be done by God Himself. Once God is in you the journey begins.

"Are you the teacher of Israel, and do not know these things?"

I have 2000 years of more information than Nicodemus and I still don't REALLY get it.
I don't get why if being 'born again' such the work of God why I still try to earn His approval.
I don't get why after writing the lines above I still fight the Spirit working in my life.
I don't get why I want to change, yet change is so scary and uncharted.
I'm sure I can go on. I won't for my own sake.

It's the journey of faith. Questions are welcome and santification takes a whole life. It's God's grace that leads us to repentance. It's His righteousness on me and not my own. That's all part of the great miracle.

I marvel today. I marvel at what He has done for us. I don't need to understand it all. Maybe today He just wants me to.....simply marvel.

Things not to say when you are married

I've been on an unintentional blog fast- I cant seem to muster much of anything lately. In the meantime, this post was inspired by a marriage book- so I added my own

Things not to say when your married.


"How long have you been here?"

"My mom does the same thing."

"You're dressed like you are going to the library."

"Wait... I thought you did the dishes"

"Show me what split ends look like"

"How long did it say to cook this?"

"I've been thinking about something else the whole time"

"I didnt even think to call you."

end times

Matthew 24:8 "All these are the beginning of sorrows"





....not quite what Jesus was talking about but c'mon.